Kaizoku no Blin/15
"Send 'em to the Ranch!" is the 15th episode of the Kaizoku no Blin series. Intro music: MONDO GROSSO - Labyrinth We have got a new arc this week, and the crew seemingly has found a new island! Will this be the time the crew shall welcome a new crew member as their cook, even if there's already the tag-team of Jonathan and Moufassa? Let's find out in the Chinese Man Arc! As always, watch ''Kaizoku no Blin in a well-lit room.'' ---- Johanne: Suppeddy-up, y'all! Mornin' Jonathan (wipes from his eyes): What the hell? You always getting jumpy in the morning. Don't forget we're losing rations too. Johanne: Can we worry about that later? And can you have at least some sunshine in your life? Damn, and you weren't really like this! Are you still salty about that very little pay from the work we had back in Redrum. Jonathan: Nope. There's just someone I really loved back then, and I can't forgive myself for both forgetting and. This is why I'm acting like this. Johanne: And you think you're the only one who suffered that much hurt? Do you think you're the only one who missed dad? The scene pauses for a while and Apichart and Rune butt in. ---- Rune: It's been a while since we had the last fic, eh? Do you still remember, Gourd-kun? Apichart: Ehhh~~ I forgot. Rune: EEEHHHHHHHHHH?!!! YOU FORGOT Apichart: Ah shit, here we go again... Rune: Why do you forget your scenes right now when things get emotional?! Now this is "what-the-fuck, Gourd-kun, please-explain-to-me-how-are-we-supposed-to-move-on" situation! KYAAAHHHHHH!!! Apichart: I'd just have this in. Please shut up. I'm too sleazy that cursing doesn't even make me any filthier right now. I just need to take the shower. Rune (shows belt): OMAE WA MOU SHINDEIRU Apichart: 'NANI WAS THAT FORRR?!! Shirō Konoda, the Senior Editor at ''Seinen Junk, appears as Rune is about. He speaks with a Kansai accent so he sounds rude when he talks, although fellow Kansai Japanese thinks the way he talks is just normal.'' Shiro: Oi, what are ya doin' with that belt, young girl? Jiiiiii.... Rune: Oh, Konoda-san! I'm sorry! Apichart is hanging this episode for good! Apichart: I just said my chapter is on its way, I just have to introduce someone here, alright? And oh, I apologize for the commotion too Rune: This is getting way too long! Shiro (bangs the head of the two): CAN'T YA' WORK PROPERLY WITHOUT BANGIN' EACH OTHER'S HEAD TO THE WALL?! MAKE SURE YOU GET THIS DONE OR Y'ALL FUCKIN' OUT OF THE JUNK! Rune and Apichart: Sumimasen. Apichart: Now back to the chapter, you fools. Rune (staring at Apichart): JIIIII..... ---- Moufassa: Eh, what's the commotion? I wanna eat for fuck's sake! Jonathan and Johanne: SHUT UP! Moufassa: Okay, okay. Gomennasai! Johanne: You don't need to stress this out like a damn volcano vent every morning! We need to move on, after all. The dead just stay dead, alright? Jonathan: Then how can you explain the Zombie Salespeople from back then? Johanne (trying to make up lies): They weren't really dead! Those are just desperate people trying to save their mall! Otherwise, they'll literally be zombies for life. Jonathan: Are you sure? Johanne: Yes! Ain't there any reasons for you to think otherwise? Jonathan: Fine. But when you see me with a "resting bitch face" in the morning, you know the drill. Johanne: Good lord... Just shut up with the "bitch faces". Moufassa: And let's proceed with the b- Johanne (throws a into Moufassa's head): That's strike one for unnecessary swearing! Moufassa: But I didn't do anything! Johanne (throws another chalice but is filled with shaved ice, but Moufassa avoids it): You're supposed to say you're picking up "bitches" in the next island? You fucking pervert! Fine, here you go, complete with biće snega! Moufassa: What was that for? ---- Hansuke (yawns): Ohayo, what's the matter with you guys, getting jumpy in the morning? The other three point at each other like a Mexican standoff. The scene pauses again here. Rune: Just to make you know, we're supposed to have guns here. But since they still lack budget to do so and we want to have that 4Kids reference to it, we'll only have these people point at each other instead. The scene plays again. Hansuke: I just want you to know that we're nearing another island. You can just continue your fight afterwards. The other three don't listen, so Hansuke also looks at them with a hard stare. Hansuke: JIIII..... Moufassa, Jonathan and Johanne: (continues arguing) Hansuke: JIII.... The three continue to argue, but incomprehensibly. Hansuke: JIIIII..... Ugh.... Hansuke (sounding like Bruno Ganz in Downfall): CAN'T YOU STOP ARGUING FOR A MOMENT!? ---- Hansuke: You, you and you! You have nothing to do this morning but to fucking argue. Argue here, argue there, argue about that resting bitch face you're talking about. Can't you just hear me out for once?! An island's already here, and you're fighting like little children in an elementary school! The other three: Gomene... Hansuke: Good, y'all better pack up. Asides, we don't have food anymore. Moufassa: I SEE LAND!! Hansuke: No shit, man. That's why I call you idiots. Moufassa (to Johanne): I SEE LAAAAAANDD!!! Johanne: I SEE LAND, Y'AAAAAAALLL!!! UN-SQUEEZE ALL OUR BAGS FROM THAT DAMN CABIN! WE AIN'T GOT NOTHANG HERE ON THIS SHIP ANYMO'! Jonathan: That's the spirit. (sighs) Moufassa proceeds to the helm to steer the ship. He then asks the help of Jonathan to raise the sails as they are nearing the island's hidden port. Moufassa: Yo, Jonathan! Please raise the front sails, man. Jonathan: Yeah, yeah. The ship reaches the port and Hansuke and Johanne throw the anchor to the sea. As soon as the crew finds an empty space, Moufassa jumps to the jetty to tie the ship's lassos to the port. ---- Hansuke moves out first, carrying a large backpack and a couple of swords. Jonathan: This ain't no truce. We just saw an island doesn't mean we end Johanne: Utter one more word and I'll be happy to throw you into the sea. Can we just get over it already? I didn't even know why does this thing have to be big in the first place? Hansuke chose not to speak. He doesn't hear them because he's too far anyway. ---- Hansuke encounters a random man walking on the unpaved highway. (Note: The "highway" here is from a pre-modern perspective which refers to rural roads) He seems to sound like a young man, but the tree cover still makes him appear like a silhouette. Hansuke: Oi. Man: Yo. Hansuke: Do you know where we're from? We're not from here. Man: Yeah. So you're with those three people over there? Hansuke: Nah, take them. Send 'em to the ranch, or something like that. Jonathan, Johanne and Moufassa: NANDATO KORE?! ARE WE JOKES TO YOU?!!! Hansuke: Yeah. The other three: YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!! Hansuke (chuckles): Promise me you won't fight. The other three: Fiiiine, we're sorry. Hansuke (to the man): Yeah, we're with them. Kwaito comes out of the ship still tied to a chair. Man: So that one's with you too? Hansuke: Yeah. He just tripped last night after obliterating our rhum supply. Man: You came for the rhum? Ain't no rhum here by the way. Hansuke: Not really. Kwaito: NANDATO KORE?! AM I A JOKE TO YOU?!!! Hansuke: This time, yeah. I mean it. Kwaito: Actually I'm fine with that, I'm still their prisoner. Johanne (grabs Kwaito by the ear): Oh yeah, we forgot. Kwaito: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! I THOUGHT WE WERE ALREADY A DONE DEAL LAST NIGHT? IN FACT, I EVEN SAW ALL OF YOU THREE FIGHTING!! OII! MY EARS ARE BEING STRETCHED YOU B-''' '''Johanne: Shut up! You're just making your penalty worse! Meanwhile, at Hansuke's side... Man: Well then, welcome to Karakorum Island, and you're just at the very edges of the Karakorum Kingdom. If you're looking for a chef, you're looking at the right place. Ehhh... assuming that you're really looking for a cook, that's all... The man's silhouette disappears as he steps closer into the light. Man: I'm Taiping Yagami, and one of this island's "fry cooks". |} ---- Taiping: Let's go downtown. You'll have a lot of fun there, and resources. Hansuke: Thanks, Tai-pang? Tai-pin? Taipan? Taiping: Tai-Ping. Say it with me. Tai. Ping. Hansuke (in chorus) Tai-Ping. Tai. Ping. Taiping: Taiping. Hansuke: Paitan? Taiping: Good grief, for pants' sake. Hansuke: Your name is so hard to say! Taiping: Ugh... Let this idiot just pass... My head hurts. ---- A few minutes later, they arrive at the city gate. The crew is amazed by the big city gates and the city's architecture. Johanne: Hey, Jonathan! Ain't like Redrum, ain't it? Jonathan (calmly looking into the distance): Yeah, why? Johanne: Look at all these blockhouses! We don't have these at home. AUTHOR'S NOTE: The term "blockhouses" refer to s, a low- to mid-rise medium-density development in which houses are attached to one another on the side walls. These buildings are also usually historical as modern architecture prefers the construction of skyscrapers. This is due to some non-native English speakers in the ''Cities: Skylines modding community using this term. An actual "blockhouse" is a type of fortification, so to correct.'' Jonathan: Yeahhhh... Johanne: Why do you sound so... dead? Why don't you show some enthusiasm? Jonathan: Beecaauuse I uzhuallyy taalk liike thiis... Even after 7 years of friendship, are you still pointing thaat ouut? You're so childiish, but I just don't want to argue anymore. Johanne: I'm just trying to cheer you up! You always sound depressed or something. Jonathan: JIIIII.... Taiping: Now where were we, we usually hold cooking fights here so we can determine whether your group really needs a cook or not. Tell me, who cooks for you? Johanne: Definitely that guy over there I just talked too. Taiping: Yeah, he does look like someone who can cook. Now get ready your cooking utensils because this is gonna be a great fight! Jonathan: Yeaahhh... I'm mooviinggg..... Taiping: You look so sluggish, I'm here to cheer you up! Jonathan: No neeeed... Got them right heeeere... Taiping (inside his head): Nani?! He's too slow, so how come he managed to get his utensils way too fast!? Taiping: Oi, what dish type do you want for the duel? Jonathan: Let's go with beef. Taiping: Deal. DISCLAIMER: ''Kaizoku no Blin is a pirate anime. No, not one that talks about or talk of actually "pirating" this anime to those (censored for hate speech), ya dumbass! This is only placed because LITERALLY SOMEONE'S AGREEING TO DO A COOKING SHOWDOWN! WTF IS THIS, !?'' Apichart: Oi, Disclaimer-''san'', you need to calm down! Why do you have to freak out all the time? Disclaimer-''san: Because I worry about the Japanese government getting us because of copyright infringement! That's why. '''Apichart': Guess we have nothing to do then, (looks to the audiences) move along. ---- Taiping: This'll get interesting! But nah, I'll swoop you down. Jonathan: Juuust you seeee... Moufassa: Can I help? Jonathan: Go on. And yeah, please bring me the meat. Taiping: A sous-chef? Sounds interesting. Moufassa: You guys haven't talked about the. Taiping: I already said it. I'll become your primary cook if I win, and you'll become my "slaves". Moufassa: NANI!!?? Moufassa (to Jonathan): EHHHH?!!! Jonathan, if we lose here, Jonathan: Even if we lose, it's still technically a win-win. Remember, I'm the captain. Johanne: How about me? Am I a joke to you? Jonathan: You're the co-captain. Johanne: YAAAAYYY!!! Jonathan: Now, shush. I'm cooking. The cooking match caught the attention of some passers-by, and the smell of the competing dishes are taking more attention of the people around them. Soon, bets were being placed between the two. Also, two commentators have joined the fray. Franca: This seems to be a good day to have a cooking battle, isn't it, Happo-san? Franca, the first commentator, is the one of the very few foreigners to live in Karakorum Island. She adopted their culture and it seems that she has been loved by a large number of people in the lower classes. Happo, the second commentator, has recently resigned from his job due to intensive bullying and became a commentator who wears a mask, hoping he won't be shamed. He experiences a phenomena in which his body gets fat in the colder months and slimmer in the warmer months. Happo: That's right, Franca. As you see, I'm already hungry from the smell of the rivalry between our "fry cook" and the newcomer. I gotta say, this foreigner ain't nothing! Franca: Hahahaha, good one! Anyways, our "fry cook" has been doing quite nice because he's not having a sous-chef here, unlike the newcomer's camp! Happo: That's what we'll talk about later. But the sous-chef ain't doing nothing other than do errands to take food in and out of the arena. Franca: Is that even allowed? Happo: Of course! Well, let's just watch them complete their dishes in a few minutes. Jonathan (inside his head): The cooking process will be complete. There must not be miscalculation, and not even external factors such as air temperature shall hinder the food from its optimal taste. Moufassa (inside his head): I hope this dish won't fail. I trained ages and fought with different people. Moufassa presents his food in a while Jonathan covers his in the style of Western cuisine. Franca and Happo: And that's it! They've done it at the right time! Now is the time to dig in! A panel of three arrives at the battlegrounds. All of them are seemingly extravagant. Franca: Ladies and gentlemen, His Royal Highness, Mao, the Prince of Jiang, will lead these panel of judges! Also, he is accompanied by Her Royal Highness, Shui, the Princess of Meng and General Loxi, current governor of this city of Tozako! Let us all meet the future generation of the House of Chukur! Everyone kneels in their presence, including the crew. Mao: Everyone, rise. There's no need to do that. I'm not my father. Taiping: I'll present first. Mao: Good, it has been a while since you last. To be honest, we here missed you! Franca: Holy-!? This man served in the royal family?! You're making us jealous! Taiping is trying to hold his emotions. He remembers everything like a bolt of lightning hit him. However, he is trying to appear professional while he presents his food. Taiping (to Franca): You'll eat your words. Trust me. Shui: Ho-ho! What's with the saltiness? Heh? Got it? Cheer up, Taiping! The crowds started chatting on Taiping's connection with the royal family. Taiping: Just eat this and I'm outta here, Madame. Taiping breaks the salt crust surrounding the beef he cooked. He also picks the fried rice that comes with the beef. Taiping: Yours Royal Highness, I present to you, my "Salt-Crust Beef Brisket, Western Style". The odor of the food easily surges through the area, catching the attention of the spectators. Man: So this is a work of a Royal Family chef? My mouth is starting to water from the deliciousness! Woman: Look at that royal-grade quality of how the food is done! It looks like really well-prepared for ages, though done in a fraction of the time. Woman 2: My heart's melting for that guy! Hey, Taiping-san, can you make one of those for me?? Loxi: Let's... Mao: Dig... Shui: In. Happo: What happened? Shui: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Mao and Loxi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! ---- < Previous | Next > Site navigation Category:Chapters Category:Kaizoku no Blin